Monday, March 23, 2009

Responsible or Carefree?

I have been all over the place with my emotions lately and not had the words to say how I feel. The simple words to describe how I felt are: speechless. hopeless. darkness. confused. sad. Just plain sad. I have tried to disconnect to help myself, but it has not made it better. Honestly, I am in the flux of limbo and I am tired of it.

For awhile, I have been thinking about talking to a professional - counselor or therapist - someone experienced with IF. It is difficult to find someone in small-town America who fills this criteria - so I sought out online options. I found a few sites of professionals who deal with IF. One site really touched my heart. The lady does fertility and life coaching and facilitates fertility group tele-coaching sessions. I participated last week. The coaching session was the 3rd in a series of Support for Mind/Spirit/Body on the Fertility journey. We talked about tuning into, listening and taking care of our bodies. Preparing our bodies to receive our future child(ren). It was nice to participate in a session and connect with other women who are dealing with IF struggles.

The session left me needing more. Needing more time to talk about me. Me, myself and I. So, I had a follow-up call with the coach this past weekend. It was really good. A breaking point for me in our conversation was when she asked me to "close my eyes and what do you see?" (I was listening to beach music, so I was immediately there). She asked what I saw - the water, the sand, people - families, adults, kids. She asked what was missing - my family, my children.... She asked, what else? - I paused, the sun - the SUN was missing from my day dream. How can there be a beach with no sun? :-( We kept talking....

We talked about many things but the most important, my take-away for the conversation was:

"Responsibility can be carefree and carefree can be responsible."

Lately, I have found myself drowning in responsibility in many ways. To hear this, to realize this, to be told this ~ is just what I needed to hear. I have a strong desire to live carefree (or at the very least, *feel* carefree). I am working on ways to live this combo ~ responsible & carefree. I am taking my first steps in this direction and focusing on ME.

p.s. I am sure I have missed A LOT in blogland the past few weeks. I cannot wait to catch up! :-)


  1. Sounds like this has been extremely helpful for you. I am thinking of you during this difficult time! HUGS

  2. Thinking of you and am glad you were able to find some much needed support. I'm in that dark place too right now. It sucks, but somehow through this screen we find others who are sitting right beside us.

    I see a therapist weekly and it really has done me some good. I completely agree that they need to know IF as it is such a tricky beast.

    Hang in there and know we are here to "listen" anytime.

  3. I'm so glad you found a great person to talk with. You're right, balancing responsibility with being carefree is so tough sometimes...thinking of you today!!!

  4. I'm glad you found someone you could talk to, and it looks like it helped you. Good luck!

  5. I could have written this post about three months ago. I totally feel you. I am glad you have found someone to talk to.

    Many hugs.

  6. That coach and experience sound awesome and amazing. Would you share your resource with me? i am on gmail at mamasoon. I am looking for just that sort of thing right now.

  7. Hi Angie! Welcome back. We missed you. :)

    It sounds like you received some great ideas to think about from this coach. Sometimes all it takes is a little remark from an outsider to change our perspective. I hope you continue to find more peace and comfort with your situation. I know how you feel. We've got to have a light at the end of this though, you know?

    Again, glad you're back.

  8. Welcome back - we're always here when you're ready. I resisted for so long finding someone to talk to about our IF and when I finally did, it was a huge relief. This was in the form of a close friend, a professional counsellor, a mind/body IF practitioner and sometimes, it was in the form of self-help books. Whatever speaks to you. The important thing is that you have reached out and found support. It takes a lot of strength to do that.

  9. Great to hear that you found someone great to work with. IF is such a tricky beast. Oh, and welcome back!

  10. Thanks for the kind comment on my blog.
    I'm adding you to my reader!!

    S X

  11. you've been very quiet. thinking of you...

    (was mamasoon)

  12. We haven't had an update in a long time. Just want you to know that we're thinking of you and hope you are on the path to recovery and feeling more like yourself. ((hugs))

  13. We haven't got the up-date in the long time. Would just like one to know that we're considering you together with we imagine you are on the direction to recuperation along with sensation similar to oneself

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