The day arrived.

Last Saturday, my parents made a 3hr trip each way to tell us face-to-face that my youngest sister who is 9 years younger than me is, yep, you guessed it, pregnant. Now, while I would have loved to hold it together, I didn't. And I still can't. Tears fill my eyes as I type this.

I managed to pull it together and apologize profusely and tried to explain.my tears were.happy ears for them and painful tears for us. I even pulled it together enough to go out to dinner. I felt horrible after they left. Although they say they understand, I know they don't really. I know they hurt to see me/us in pain and grief but I want them to be happy. I want to be happy. I am happy for my sis and BIL but hurt so much because of our situation.

In other news, AF arrived this morning (2 days late, which I must admit, secret hope and dreams of going through pregnancy with my sis ensued) and the BRIGHTEST moment of the year so far, we are a few hours away from meeting our new little puppy! We have been patiently waiting for about a year as we researched and prepared. Excited to meet him and hoping he brings joy and much distraction to our lives!

Bring on 2011

To re-cap...we talked to our RE on Wed morning (12/22) when he called to let us know the results of the last egg.  I have been doing lots of reading the past few months on egg and sperm quality.  Tests for sperm are better as they rate sperm by morphology and motility but still there is not full proof way....well, same for eggs.  They rate them by appearance (or as our RE said, "it's a beauty contest") and I obviously didn't win.  Of the 4 eggs - 3 were mature - 2 were rated "poor" and 1 "fair".  He said but even with those ratings, it doesn't mean that they won't fertilize.  He said there is just no way to tell.  Also, he assured us that this doesn't mean that IVF won't work.  He said we should cycle again and they will increase my meds and see what happens.  He thinks we should treat this as a fluke and move forward.  Ugh - easier said than done, right?

Anyway, he was nothing but kind and patient with our questions and thoughts.  I guess, I feel like the bottom line is we have crappy eggs and crappy sperm.  I will be digging deep this next month to continue to find motivation and desire to keep pushing through.  Last week was rough.  This week was better.  In my mind, I know it will be easier with time.  But my heart still hurts and the wound is still fresh.

As a good friend said today, "New Year - New Hope and Possibilities" ~ oh, how right she is.  Although not all of 2010 was terrible, I am ready for a fresh start, for sure.  Bring on 2011 ~ Happy New Year!