Saturday, August 29, 2009

Congrats, Karla!

2 posts in one day....I know, it might be a blog faux-paux but I want to send a fabulous shout-out!

A special friend saw her dream of motherhood come true this week. We met a little over a year ago on the forum during our 1st IVF cycles. Neither were successful, but as we IF'ers do, she pushed on in her quest. Some from our cycle group kept in touch and it is amazing at how this difficult journey can bring women together to support and connect with each other. Over a year later, many of us keep in touch. Some have moved to the *other side* and some of us are still struggling. Nevertheless, our friendships have blossomed and grew. This week, Karla joined the ranks of "Mommy" when she and her DH welcomed their baby girl to this world on Thursday.


Dear Karla,
Wow, I cannot believe how fast the past 9 months have gone! It seems like yesterday that you were telling us of your crampiness and moodiness. You were all upset because you thought your natural cycle was a bust and got a BFP! And now, the rest is history!

You have made it hun! You have made it through 9 months of worry, stress and emotions! I am so proud of you! And I am so happy for you and John as you begin this new chapter in your life! You are an amazing woman of strength, courage and inspiration!

Enjoy every second with your baby girl and this very special time in your life! I know you will cherish these memories. Congratulations, Mommy!!!!

Love ya girlie,

Something to focus on....

Seems like forever since we have actually *done* anything to deal with IF. We have been in limbo hell for almost a year now. Crazy, how time flies. The clock seems to tick faster these days, too. :-(

DH and I have been talking (of course!) about what we CAN do right now. We decided to investigate clomid for men. (Side note: Ever heard of it? Ever did it? If so, please comment and share your story!) Anyway, I have read posts on the forum about this awhile ago and right now, of course, when I am trying to seek information, there is not much. Regardless, we scheduled an appointment to talk to my Obgyn about the options (or not) with it. She just returned from maternity leave (very fitting, eh?) so it will be about 4 weeks before we see her. Actually, just checked the date, it is 1 month from today exactly! 9/29. So we have one month to gather info and be prepared to discuss this with her. She is a very approachable and reasonable woman, so I think if we can find enough info to support our interest, she will oblige.

In other news, there is no new news on the house-selling front. Yipes! I think I might need to follow through on burying the statue of St. Joseph that my dear friend, Lindsay, gave me a few months ago. Silly me, I thought we would not need it! :-)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

what if?

I spent the past week out of town for work and my mom went along for the ride. Even though I worked during the day, it was nice to spend some 1/1 time with her in the evenings. It does not happen often as we live about 3 hrs away from our hometown. We relished in good shopping and good was nice to just hang out with her.

More than once during our trip, I found myself making comments about "if" we have kids....then this or that. UGH. It hurt. It hurt then. It hurts now. It hurts to write it. Of course, I had my game face on and did not let on to the hurt.....just rolled my eyes as I said it. IF and treatment was pretty much non-existent in our conversations.

One evening, 2 of my co-workers/friends joined us for dinner. Both who know more than the average person about our situation. One who cried with me on the phone the day after we found out the IVF didn't work. As they were about talking about their kids and this or that about babies (both have children under 9mos), I felt overly-sensitive by the conversation. It bothers me that I felt this way. Usually, our conversations revolve around work, spouses and their children. But this time, it felt awkward, almost hurtful. Not that they were intending to hurt me, just me hurting, longing for what they have.

Just got me thinking, what *if* I don't?

IF sucks. IF and all of the crap that goes with it sucks.

Sunday, August 2, 2009


DH and I have talked, talked and talked this weekend about our situation...I am quite happy he was in a talkative mood (do you find your DH's have some good talkative days and some not so good, too ;-) I REALLY needed that. We have decided to be rational about our situation and move forward with selling the house. We rejected the offer from this week because it was almost 13% less than our asking price...we did not counter because we felt we were too far away on $$. So....we will hang tight, and see what happens. We are cautiously optimistic. We had another call and scheduled another showing for tomorrow evening. (Fingers crossed, please!)

Lurked around some more today on new blogs (to me) and my desire to go straight to CCRM is only cemented. In my head, it's like monopoly, I keep thinking, "Do not pass go. Go straight to CO!" It will be an exciting day when we are able to make that trip...

Today, I was thinking about my niece. She is the youngest grandchild on my side of our family and she turned 7yrs last week. I wonder if my parents gave any thought this week as to when they may have a new grandchild? I know, I did. I had tons of cousins growing up and I have so many good memories. I always expected that for my children, too. Not so sure if that will be the case. Most of our siblings have kids now except my newly married sis and DH's bro who is now in a newly-serious relationship with someone who has a daughter from a previous relationship. DH mentioned the other day he wonders about his bro's fertility.....only time will tell, I guess.

Saturday, August 1, 2009


That is me right now. There are so many unknowns swirling around me.....I am dizzy.

Work has been incredibly busy for me the past few months....which has been good because it has kept my mind off other things and I've stayed away from the blogs and forum....but work has slowed now AND I am feeling an urgency to catch up on the IF world....

We listed our house 4 sale in April - only a few calls and 1 offer (which then fell through) until a few wks ago.... Now, we have had 3 showings in the past 2 weeks and an offer yesterday. Should be good news - but now, I am 2nd guessing - should we suck it up and stay put?? Can we swing the $$ and extend ourselves with a huge loan for shared-risk IVF cycle? Wait, not can we, because we can - but SHOULD we? Is it responsible? It seems things (the recession) is getting better - my job and DH's are secure.

What have others done? Have you threw it all in to have it all?

I had been thinking, we sell the house (the materialistic) and then we would have lots of breathing room with $$. Also, we had the opportunity to move to STL. Well, the opportunity has passed for now. So, if we sell, then we end up staying in the same area and without our nice home.

Am I being selfish???

It feels that way at some moments, but also I feel like we deserve it, too. We have worked so hard to be where we are....

Spent some time lurking yesterday ~ and wow, I have missed so much. There are so many IF bloggers who are now pregnant....which adds to my anxiety and desire to jump in now....not to mention, my b-day was last week....3-3. Seriously? and no babies/children? Never dreamt of this story.

p.s. Oh, previous posts DR pics - we went on vacay to the Dominican Republic in June for our 5th wedding anniversary! Sorry....I was using the blog to share pics with some friends who knew about it....didn't think to explain *DR*! :-)