Thursday, July 5, 2012

~ 32 weeks ~

Who would've thought?! After all of the years, and tears....WE have made it here, 32 weeks....8 weeks or so from meeting our daughter! It hasn't been without worry and some bumps along the way. I have tried to dig deep and take it day by day. That's the only way to cope sometimes. And just to lean on DH. It was the best way for me to handle the stress and try to enjoy this journey as much as possible! More to update and capture here soon.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

12w6d u/s, a fall, and b/w results

Last Wednesday (2/22), I went for my "piece of mind" u/s.  The tech was very thorough and we got to look at the little baby for 20+ minutes.  She gave us a CD with about 5 min of video.  Little One (LO) was bouncing all over and moving his/her arms and legs.  It was such a reassuring visit.  All of LO's measurements were on track and we left on cloud 9!


Yesterday, I took our dog to the park while our realtor showed our house.  As I fumbled for my keys and tried not to drop his water or my phone, he got under my feet and I tripped and fell to the ground.  I felt a gush of a discharge.  These days, I swear I could pee every 10 minutes so I wasn't sure if it was urine or something bad.  Panic set-in quickly and I called my DH.  In my melt down, he got the point - I had fell.  He told me to call the OB's office.  I called them and they wanted me to come in to check the heart rate and make sure all was ok.  On the way, I stopped at a gas station bathroom and to my relief, no blood.

The OB used the fetal doppler for a good 3+ minutes, which felt like an ETERNITY, and could not find the baby's HB.  At one point, he thought he did but then wasn't sure.  He couldn't make eye contact with me when he said, "Let's go to the u/s room."  I made brief eye contact with my DH when I was getting off the table and had to bite my lip.

Immediately on the u/s, we could see the baby and he/she was moving around.  LO waved at us once and brought his/her hand up to his/her face.  It melted my heart.  He measured LO's HB at 159.  THANK GOODNESS!  I asked if we needed to be concerned or is everything ok?  The OB said everything is fine with LO and just to "be careful".

When the OB first came in (before the doppler), he said that some of my b/w results were back and we need to address some things.  He ran through the results but really, I didn't listen until AFTER the u/s.  Then, we discussed things.

I have Factor V Leiden disorder, a Protein C deficiency, and a Protein S deficiency - which all cause blood clotting issues.  The fix - I start Loven.ox injections today and will continue throughout my pregnancy. 

The OB thinks these are the reasons for my 2 early miscarriages.  He asked about why the 2 REs didn't do this....I don't have an answer.  I remember that I asked about blood clotting issues with our first RE and they dismissed it.  At our RE #2, they just really picked up where #1 left off with treatment.  They didn't have us repeat tests or order new tests.  Maybe because we were 100% OOP and they were trying to save us a buck?  Maybe because we didn't ask for more tests or this b/w panel? 

I don't know...but we are here.  These are the cards we're dealt.  As long as our baby is healthy and in our arms in 6 months, I will joyfully be a pin-cushion until then!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Catching up...

We went for u/s #3 on Jan 27th.  Everything was great and the baby's HB was 174!  That was 9w1d and the baby's measurements had caught up some.

Yesterday, I had my monthly OB check-up and we HEARD the baby's HB!  It was an amazing and almost surreal moment!  The OB said the HB was measuring about 160!  This was 12w4d. 

I go tomorrow for a "piece of mind" u/s, at my request just to be sure everything is on track before we share our news with the world.

I was really sick this past week.  It started with flu-like symptoms Sunday, Feb 12.  By that Wed, I had severe head congestion.  My OB's office recommended Sud.a.fed decongestant.  In my 35 years, I've never taken that stuff and I don't think I will for the next 35.  By Thursday night, my heart was racing out of my chest, had chest pain, and pain going down my left arm.  By 6am on Friday, I told DH I needed to go to the ER.  He kinda freaked out because he didn't realize how much pain I was in. 

The hospital ran all sorts of tests and everything was mostly fine.  Because the pain was primarily on my left side and had piercing to my shoulder blade, they were concerned about a blood clot.  Also, one of the blood tests came back that the marker for clotting was "elevated."  This led to lung x-ray and a subsequent CT scan of my chest/lungs.  Everything checked out ok.  After about 6 hours, they released me with a pain med and the theory that it was either the medicine or GI issue (really bad reflux). 

I slept the rest of Friday and thru the night.  By Saturday afternoon, the pain had stopped.  I've continued to deal with the sinus congestion but it's improving each day.  Laying in bed Saturday morning, DH wondered outloud, "Why can't storks just deliver babies so we can skip all of this worry?"  I agreed :o)

My OB was on vacay this week so I saw a different one in the practice yesterday.  At first, I was frustrated but it turned out to be a blessing.  He offered a different perspective on my history and in light of the events of last week, and the b/w with the elevated marker for a clotting issue, he ordered a full panel work-up.  We had a long discussion of why my REs hadn't ordered this before, and really, I don't have an answer.  My only guess is that since we are 100% OOP for infertility coverage, it was a cost they were sparing us.  Regardless, I'm relieved that we're going down this road now.  For peace of mind for the rest of this pregnancy and for more information for the future.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

2nd ultrasound

Thank you to everyone who shared your definitely helped ease my fears and anxiety.

After the drama of last week, I was insistent that this week had to be different.  So instead of driving 1-1/2 to our old RE's office for b/w, I settled for the hospital lab.  They could give us the important test (hcg/beta) within a few hours, although the progesterone would take a few days.  I could live with that.  Then, I explained our situation to my obgyn's office who agreed to do the u/s ~ thank goodness!

The u/s tech was fantastic and very patient with all of our questions.  And she shared, they had their daughter on their 3rd IVF attempt.  Love when situations like this happen.  A sign of the future, maybe? 

Well, she showed us 1 baby on the screen with a lovely HB of 135!  My hcg was 14,274 and "wonderful" according to my nurse.  The baby still measured behind according to the ER/conception dates, however, no one (RE nurse, u/s tech, and everyone else who has shared experiences of this :) is worried.  And we are officially "released" from our RE!

So grateful, so relieved, and so hopeful that this is our time!

Friday, January 6, 2012

1st ultrasound

I talked to my mom last night and felt better about my decision to just be me and DH at the appt. She was totally supportive and understanding. Thank goodness for moms :)

A back story that I forgot to capture here was my drama with scheduling the u/s. I waited until this past Tues (Jan 3) to schedule it. I've had this lingering, gut feeling, apprehension. Anyways, I called my local clinic (aka clinic #1 - where we've been patients since 12/07 and completed IVF #1 and a few other monitored cycles) and they tell me they cannot do an outside OB u/s. WTH? Apparently, its an office policy. So after a minor freak out, they assuring me they've helped others in our situation and sent me to an imaging center that does various radiology tests. In addition, I needed b/w, which clinic #1 agreed to do.

So this morning, we go to the imaging center. Right away, I wondering if this is the right decision? Lots of other people there for various other things like mammograms, MRIs etc. Oh well, we were there.

The u/s tech was nice but some of the things she said about IVF and didn't know about calculations worried me. Then the u/s. The measurements she took showed the 1 gestational sac measuring a few days (2-3?) behind. She said she didn't see any other sacs but then commented that she wasn't sure what this "other was" - I called it a spot. I didn't push because all I could think was the worst. She took some other measurements and images and we were done. When she left the room, we lost it. Yep, major meltdown on the u/s table. She met us in the hall and tried to reassure us that she's seen babies make it...she was making it worse. Ugh...get me out of here already.

Before we left the parking lot, I called my nurse at our out of state clinic (clinic #2 - this is our 2nd IVF there). Immediately, she was like what's going on? I asked how far I should be measuring and babbled on about how she saw a sac and its a few days behind. She didn't skip a beat, telling me that its OK, that is perfectly fine. She said the b/w will give us the whole picture. She didn't have that yet but she expected all to be fine and we shouldn't worry. She would call only if it was bad, otherwise, the results would be on my e-record.

Well, our nurse called back about 30min later. Our hearts stopped, I'm sure. She says, I know you were worried so I just wanted to call and tell you the #s are LOVELY so don't worry, everything is fine. She proceeded to offer an u/s next Fri for my peace of mind.

When I hung up, DH and I lost it again. He said WHY did she call?! I think I had a heart attack.

The stats:
Gestational sac measuring 5w4d
Hcg - 3512
P4 - >20

Wow, what an emotional day. I am trying to remain hopeful but there is something in my gut that concerns me. I am worried. I've heard from a few friends today about their experiences and measuring behind...and all turned out fine. I hope and pray that's our situation. We want and need this baby more than anything. Please, please, please...

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


That's how I feel about Friday's ultrasound. It sucks. I'm trying to be in the moment but quite frankly, I can't. I won't what if either because where's that going to get me? More apprehension and nervousness. Ugh. Bad week for my acupuncturist to be on vacay!

And to add to my already emotional state, I think I hurt my mom's feelings tonight. She asked what time my u/s is on Friday and I told her 10a. She proceeded to say that she was thinking about coming up for it. I paused and said I had thought about that too but hadn't mentioned it to DH yet. I said, I didnt know, I'm just really guarded about this because it could be bad. She replied with, that's ok, I won't. We kinda talked over each other with me saying, no, let me think about it and her saying its ok. I finally said, do you have the day off? And she said no, but I was going to take the day. Ugh. So when I get home, I mentioned it to DH who thinks its weird and agrees, what if its not good news?

I hate hurting her feelings and I feel like I did. I hate this feeling, like I've let her down because God knows she's been our biggest cheerleader. I asked DH about it again a few minutes ago and he doesn't care either way but I don't know if I should just leave it be or ask her...why is everything so complicated?

I cannot wait for Friday to be over so we have more info about what our future holds.