Saturday, January 14, 2012

2nd ultrasound

Thank you to everyone who shared your definitely helped ease my fears and anxiety.

After the drama of last week, I was insistent that this week had to be different.  So instead of driving 1-1/2 to our old RE's office for b/w, I settled for the hospital lab.  They could give us the important test (hcg/beta) within a few hours, although the progesterone would take a few days.  I could live with that.  Then, I explained our situation to my obgyn's office who agreed to do the u/s ~ thank goodness!

The u/s tech was fantastic and very patient with all of our questions.  And she shared, they had their daughter on their 3rd IVF attempt.  Love when situations like this happen.  A sign of the future, maybe? 

Well, she showed us 1 baby on the screen with a lovely HB of 135!  My hcg was 14,274 and "wonderful" according to my nurse.  The baby still measured behind according to the ER/conception dates, however, no one (RE nurse, u/s tech, and everyone else who has shared experiences of this :) is worried.  And we are officially "released" from our RE!

So grateful, so relieved, and so hopeful that this is our time!

Friday, January 6, 2012

1st ultrasound

I talked to my mom last night and felt better about my decision to just be me and DH at the appt. She was totally supportive and understanding. Thank goodness for moms :)

A back story that I forgot to capture here was my drama with scheduling the u/s. I waited until this past Tues (Jan 3) to schedule it. I've had this lingering, gut feeling, apprehension. Anyways, I called my local clinic (aka clinic #1 - where we've been patients since 12/07 and completed IVF #1 and a few other monitored cycles) and they tell me they cannot do an outside OB u/s. WTH? Apparently, its an office policy. So after a minor freak out, they assuring me they've helped others in our situation and sent me to an imaging center that does various radiology tests. In addition, I needed b/w, which clinic #1 agreed to do.

So this morning, we go to the imaging center. Right away, I wondering if this is the right decision? Lots of other people there for various other things like mammograms, MRIs etc. Oh well, we were there.

The u/s tech was nice but some of the things she said about IVF and didn't know about calculations worried me. Then the u/s. The measurements she took showed the 1 gestational sac measuring a few days (2-3?) behind. She said she didn't see any other sacs but then commented that she wasn't sure what this "other was" - I called it a spot. I didn't push because all I could think was the worst. She took some other measurements and images and we were done. When she left the room, we lost it. Yep, major meltdown on the u/s table. She met us in the hall and tried to reassure us that she's seen babies make it...she was making it worse. Ugh...get me out of here already.

Before we left the parking lot, I called my nurse at our out of state clinic (clinic #2 - this is our 2nd IVF there). Immediately, she was like what's going on? I asked how far I should be measuring and babbled on about how she saw a sac and its a few days behind. She didn't skip a beat, telling me that its OK, that is perfectly fine. She said the b/w will give us the whole picture. She didn't have that yet but she expected all to be fine and we shouldn't worry. She would call only if it was bad, otherwise, the results would be on my e-record.

Well, our nurse called back about 30min later. Our hearts stopped, I'm sure. She says, I know you were worried so I just wanted to call and tell you the #s are LOVELY so don't worry, everything is fine. She proceeded to offer an u/s next Fri for my peace of mind.

When I hung up, DH and I lost it again. He said WHY did she call?! I think I had a heart attack.

The stats:
Gestational sac measuring 5w4d
Hcg - 3512
P4 - >20

Wow, what an emotional day. I am trying to remain hopeful but there is something in my gut that concerns me. I am worried. I've heard from a few friends today about their experiences and measuring behind...and all turned out fine. I hope and pray that's our situation. We want and need this baby more than anything. Please, please, please...

Wednesday, January 4, 2012


That's how I feel about Friday's ultrasound. It sucks. I'm trying to be in the moment but quite frankly, I can't. I won't what if either because where's that going to get me? More apprehension and nervousness. Ugh. Bad week for my acupuncturist to be on vacay!

And to add to my already emotional state, I think I hurt my mom's feelings tonight. She asked what time my u/s is on Friday and I told her 10a. She proceeded to say that she was thinking about coming up for it. I paused and said I had thought about that too but hadn't mentioned it to DH yet. I said, I didnt know, I'm just really guarded about this because it could be bad. She replied with, that's ok, I won't. We kinda talked over each other with me saying, no, let me think about it and her saying its ok. I finally said, do you have the day off? And she said no, but I was going to take the day. Ugh. So when I get home, I mentioned it to DH who thinks its weird and agrees, what if its not good news?

I hate hurting her feelings and I feel like I did. I hate this feeling, like I've let her down because God knows she's been our biggest cheerleader. I asked DH about it again a few minutes ago and he doesn't care either way but I don't know if I should just leave it be or ask her...why is everything so complicated?

I cannot wait for Friday to be over so we have more info about what our future holds.