Sunday, November 30, 2008

Limbo Land

It's weird to be in this place of "Limbo Land" - it's the place in between IF treatments - where you really don't know where you're going only know where you've been. Treatment or thinking of a plan is never far from my mind. But we are not in a position to do anything about it, so I'm trying to let it go for now. Some days are easier than others. Some moments are easier than others. But after a LONG weekend of family, babies and is hard.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Looking forward to this week...

We live about 3 hours away from our, this week will give us lots of "family time" as we are traveling there on Tuesday afternoon. Sometimes, family time is hard because of the obvious....we do not have kids and everyone else does, or everyone is hoping that we will soon but it has almost become something that we don't talk about.....sometimes, this is harder. Anyway, I'm actually looking forward to this week. My youngest sister is getting married 2wks from yesterday, so I'll be around to help with all of the finishing details...can't wait! I hope my focus on the wedding plans leaves no room for negativity about our situation. I really want to put it aside for the holidays and be thankful for our blessings.

Speaking of focus, that reminds me of the message at church today. Focus. Focus on small interventions that can lead to big impact (Focus + SI = BI this was the pastor's visual). I wonder if that can apply to IF? Yet to be determined...

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Been awhile....

It has been awhile since I created this blog....thought about it today, and thought it was time to update here and make this a worthwhile venture. Many of the girls on the Forum have blogs and I have found inspiration and hope while reading their stories. I can only imagine it helps the soul to share your thoughts and write about your experiences. This is my goal. Today, I will add a link from my forum profile and "officially" begin this journey into the world of blogging.

First, an update on Us....September brought a month of choices. What would or could we do next? Our path led to an IUI cycle. We completed b2b IUIs on 10/12 & 10/13, AF arrived on 10/29.

Of course, we had a back-up plan. (Probably my most noteable trait - I am a planner!) The plan was: If IUI was not successful, we would move to IL, a mandated state ("mandated state" means there are state laws that require companies who offer pregancy insurance benefits to offer IF coverage, too. What a concept!?!? There are loopholes, such as religious organizations, and if there headquarters are not in IL, etc. But STILL, what a benefit to couples!). Anyways, our first step to moving was selling our home. We consulted with a few realtors and found out that we should expect a 30% decrease from our last appraisal - WTH???? Needless to say, moving plans, well, ALL plans (including IF tx), are on hold. On hold - indefinitely. We lack the $ to fund any treatments, we do not have any insurance coverage, and we cannot afford another monthly payment.

While in "Limbo Land", I've stayed connected on the Fertility Forum. I found tremendous support there before, during and, certainly, after our cycle. Some of our "Ladies of May" (women going through cycles in May) reconnected this fall and I am amazed at the connection we've made. It is wonderful to have friends who can relate to IF challenges - and along the way, relate to many other life experiences, too. These girls have truly been a blessing in my life the past few months!

So, what's my plan now? To Love, To Breathe, To Live, and To Blog!