Sunday, September 13, 2009

IF in the news

This column was in the NY Times on Thursday. I am glad it was shared. I wish more was publicized and discussed about IF and the challenges couples, and men and women in general, face when dealing with IF.

However, once I started reading the comments posted, I remembered why people choose not to share. I remember why most of us in the IF blog-world or on boards choose to stay underground and deal with our grief in a private or semi-anonymous way. I am amazed at the judgement people pass on others when they may or may not understand that person's struggles.

Thank you, Shelagh, and all of my fellow IF bloggers for sharing your stories. Just know, for those of us that can relate, it does make a difference. It gives us some sort of peace to know that we are not alone in this.


  1. I agree. At least those commentors weren't vicious. Every once in a while, I'll read an online article about IF and the comments are downright mean and ignorant. So, I almost cringed when I went to the article and, yes, they were pushy and insensitive at times, but I'm so glad there weren't any of those "you should have not gone to college woman and started having babies at 20 as REAL women should!" comments that are so prevalent on alot of those postings. People just drive me nuts. I am very very thankful for fellow infertiles who have the strength to share their journey too!

  2. Great article! Thanks for posting the link. We need to see more like this.

    The comments always blow me away and I often skip them altogether. The tone I got from some of the non-IF commenters was that of "Why don't you just get over it and adopt?" and it is "your choice". They make it sound so simple and don't put all the thought into it about how living as an adoptive family has different challenges and responsibilities that not everyone is up for. Things are always simpler when they are not your own real life choices...

  3. Hi, I just started following your blog - I am a fellow IVFer and I also agree about why we, those of us struggling with IVF, want to sometimes remain quiet, surrounding ourselves with other women that "speak our language"... I did want to mention that I am working on a documentary to give us a VOICE in our society. It is hard enough that we have to go through all of these invasive procedures, deal with the emotional, physical and mental side-effects of feeling barren, but THEN we have to educate people, THEM, on what infertility is really about - it isn't a choice, it isn't selfish to want our own child and adoption isn't a natural progression of options "available" to us, nor is it something that we can "just relax" about.
    Anyways, if you ever want to talk about this project, let me know. I need more women that are willing to share their stories.
    I am withing you all the very best on your journey!!

  4. Hey, just wanted to let you know I posted a comment on your last post. Sounds like you're dealing with a lot of the issues we dealt with.

    Also wanted to clarify my last post, as I think it might have scared you away from using DS. My man's comments about "carrying another man's child" were a total joke. He had me laughing so hard I was practically on the floor. Because it really DOESN'T matter the way you think it will.

    Good luck.