Standing still.

This has been on my mind all day - What can we do? what should we do? what limits will we go to? The most obvious question for us right now, today, is financially - what is it worth? And how do we get there? If I had all money in the world, I'd trade it for our bio-child. (Does that sound awful??) I'm not trying to put a price on our baby. I just feel "stuck" right now - stuck in this place between decisions, between treatments.....I'm not a very patient person. (Very much a "planner" and self-admittingly, Type A). I've actually been in a "good" place the past month or so. In fact, I've put on my happy face and dealt with many preggo women, new babies and pregnancy announcements. In my staff alone at work, we're going on #4 in 2.5 years - and I feel I've dealt with it - in person - with grace. (No one but DH knows the real story ;-) But I feel the pressure, the waiting, the longing for our child growing more and more each day. I'm frustrated. I'm sad. At times, I'm mad.

I just wish $ was no object, because then it would all be more simple. There would be a plan and we would pursue it. Life could feel like it was moving, instead of standing still.