So, with all of my wondering/thinking/stressing the past few days, I was really looking forward to our church service today. We have only been attending this particular church for a few months now, but honestly, I have felt more at peace the past few months, than the past few years. I was hoping to find a message and that peace today.
Here is how our morning started: we went to the early service at church - today was the children's performances. Within 2 minutes of us sitting down, the guy next to me says, "So do you guys have kids up there today?" Me: my voice cracking, "No." End of conversation. Then, an awkward silence....and I could feel DH's arm dig into my side.....DANG! WTH? I know he was probably just trying to start a conversation, but how about the weather? Did he realize it was freezing rain and frigid cold? Did I look like a crazed-mom waiting to take pics? N-O. We purposefully sat toward the back, away from all of the goo-goo-gaa-gaa of the children and crazed parents trying to get the perfect picture. Seriously!?!??
It is so hard. I do not want to live in a bubble. I do not want to live in a world that revolves around IF.
It is hard not to feel isolated. It is hard not to isolate myself. However, at times, it is easier than dealing with the emotions or with other people who have no idea.
18 hours ago