Thursday, January 1, 2009

Looking Back and Looking Ahead

After a few busy weeks with the holidays, I'm glad to be at home with just me and N. I've been "unplugged" a lot, just trying to enjoy the moment and stay away from my obsessive googling on IF treatment, stories, etc. However, the past few days, I've enjoyed catching up on the holiday blog's nice to remember we are not alone in our emotions and struggles with IF.

Christmas reflection...
We spent a week visiting our families out of town. Mostly my family, but we did see his family on Christmas Day. Busy day, lots of children. Loved it. Saddened by it. Inspired by it. Laughed at it. Cried about it. Seriously, how can all of those emotions show up on one day? All in all, it was a good day. Then, we went with my parents on a weekend get-a-way. The guys spent time outdoors riding 4-wheelers and hunting while enjoying the unseasonable weather. My mom and I spent time shopping and hanging out. It was nice. I'm glad we spent the extra time with them.

2008 reflection...
Although we end 2008 with hope for the new year, it was a tough year for us. Thinking back, it was a whirlwind. Almost surreal. It seems like the year literally flew in warp speed. The highlights surround our TTC journey. January started with a bunch of tests as a result of our initial RE appt. February brought MFI diagnosis. March was a lap surgery with endo diagnosis and removal of a tubal cyst. We started our 1st IVF cycle in April and finished it in May. June brought the darkest days of my life. (Even as I type this, my eyes are filling with tears.......) We took a much needed mental health vacay in July. We finally had our post-IVF appt with RE in August and spent the rest of the month discussing what we would do next. We decided to go for an IUI. Started that in September and finished it in October. November and December, we spent thinking, dreaming, and planning our next steps toward becoming parents....

There are other 2008 highlights that I must capture...

~N and I found a church home. We went to our first service there in November, and haven't looked back. We are discovering our faith and next steps toward Christ.

~My youngest sister bought her first house in March, graduated from college in May, passed her boards for nursing in July, and was married in December! It was a great year for her. I am very proud of her and all that she has accomplished.

~And, we will have a new President in 19 days...I am very proud of our country!

And now, Happy New is 2009...
I am not quite sure what the year holds for us. However, I am finding comfort and peace that it is in God's hands. He will continue to lead us on this journey. We will continue to seek Him and discover our faith. My hope for the new year is that I can keep a positive outlook on our situation and recognize the blessings in our life. I do not want to be bitter and angry. I do not want to fall into the negativity and hopelessness that can so easily consume you when dealing with IF.

Our goal this year is to take our next steps toward becoming parents. Whatever way that may be. Right now, it seems that another IVF cycle is that way. We have decided that we only want to do another IVF cycle at CCRM. If we can do that, it will be a successful year.


  1. Hey there...I just received your comment about the health insurance coverage...I wanted to email you but was not sure what your email was. Anyway...
    As far as I know you could buy that coverage from where ever with BCBS HOWEVER, because Mass has a state law that they have to cover fertility - once your purchase a plan you are automatically covered 100% after you pay the deductible. I am not sure what states near you have these same laws but once you find that out it should be a piece of cake.
    Please feel free to email me at and ask ANY & ALL questions!!!
    Its nice to meet you also!

  2. kaceyedgar said...

    I hope you and the hubby had a great new year!! I hope this year will bring lots of BFP's!!

    I know that this journey is long and hard, but having others close who are going through the same thing seems to ease the pain. It helps to have others to lean on.

    If I can be there for you in anyway let me know. It seems so crazy that we can be so far apart and know so little about each other and yet somehow know the perfect thing to say at the perfect time!!

    Happy 2009!!

  3. Happy New Year! And Welcome Barack.

    I hope you are a winner at the CCRM gameshow! :-)

  4. Happy New Year! I hope lots of great things are in store for you this year! Good luck at CCRM!

  5. HI! and thanks for stopping by my blog. I really hope that CCRM is the answer for you. They have helped so many women. Do you live here in Colorado? I do. (although, I am not a patient at CCRM... Yet!)

    Here's to a successful 2009!

  6. Hi! Thanks so much for your sweet comment on my blog. You have had a long road with lots of heartache in 2008. Your attitude toward 2009 is great and I pray only great things come to you. I am hoping CCRM is our answer too! (-;

  7. Hi there, I'm catching up on your blog finally! You have had the hardest year ever...I'm praying that 2009 is better for all of us. You have a great attitude and that can make such a huge difference in dealing with everything. Hugs to you!