Beta #2

Finally home from holiday traveling...

My 2nd beta was last Friday, December 23rd.  At 10dp5dt it was 166!  That isn't exactly "double" but it increased by 94% from Wed.  {THANK YOU Rebecca for sharing that this was a possibility and totally normal because I was better prepared and didn't freak out!}  When my nurse called, she said it was "perfect" and didn't skip a beat. 

Next step, I have an ultrasound next Friday, January 6, 2012!

Beta #1

Since our current RE and fertility center is out of state, we are coordinating bloodwork with our previous clinic/old RE that is "local" (still 90min each way but closer than 12 hrs :)

Well, I found out both offices will be closed on Sat. So if/when my beta would be positive, I would have to wait until next week for round 2. Not exactly thrilled. So I talked to my nurse about the positive hpt's and she agreed to move my beta to yesterday.

So....beta #1 at 8dp5dt = 88.9

I know it's early but I was/am a little worried. I can't explain it other than its close to my beta # (77) on my natural BFP that ended shortly after with a miscarriage. I was secretly hoping this beta would just blow that # away and push the worry away. Instead, we are here. Hoping and praying for a good doubling beta on Friday. And scared to death.

It's weird. We've both been pretty quiet the past few days in anticipation of the results. You would think we'd be jumping and screaming from the rooftops. I guess it's the reality of infertility and this journey we are on.

For today, it's a victory and we will continue to take it one day at a time and remain cautiously optimistic.

POAS

I couldn't wait.  I had a feeling.

(It's hard to tell in this picture but the 2nd line on the middle one is darker than the first test.)

1st - 12/18/11 5dp5dt
2nd and 3rd - 12/19/11 6dp5dt (the digital one came up at exactly 1 minute!)

SOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!  Not telling everyone just yet.  :)

I found out today my RE's office will be closed on Sat and Sun.  So I emailed my nurse asking if they could move my beta to Wed so that I can get both in before Christmas.  I hope they agree.  I need that confirmation that things are on the right track!

****

Rebecca, thank you so much for commenting on my last post.  I TOTALLY agree with you and contemplated today just copying and pasting your reply as my own and sending it to SIL.  I haven't yet.  In light of our good news, I can only hope and pray that it continues.  And I know if I tell her how her post hurt my feelings and was over the line, it will probably hurt her feelings and then there will be this weirdness there.  So....for now, I'm leaving it alone and relishing this excitement and "high" we are on.

Over the line?

Our relationship is complicated with my DH's family.  We live 3 hours away from both of our families but see my family at least every 1-2 months and more frequently depending on birthdays, celebrations, or other special events.  We are lucky to see his family 1-2 each year...no matter what. 

Faceb.ook has been really nice to be able to connect with everyone and stay up to date on what's happening in their lives.  We have a closed family group for DH's family and they post things there every now and then.  Well, one of my SILs took it upon herself to post the DETAILS of our ET last week on the closed group.

At first, I was pissed and now, after a few days, I'm hurt.  Hurt that the info she posted is ours to share, not hers.  It is what I chose to share with her, MIL, and other SIL in a text from me to them.  Not to the rest of the aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I haven't told my DH because I know he'll be pissed and this will be one more thing that pushes him away from them.  Here is her post:

My dearest family members:

I don't know how much you all know, but I wanted to share this with you because I know they need all the hope and prayers they can get! You may or may not know that N and A are in XYZ again trying for a baby. They have been there since Thanksgiving weekend. They had 7 embryos growing strong and yesterday they transferred 3 of them. 4 of them didn't make it. They are ranked by condition, 1 being GREAT, 1 being GOOD, and 1 that was a day behind. Now we just hope and pray and hope and pray some more! They get a blood test done next Thursday. We are praying for a Christmas Miracle that the procedure will be successful. They could be there through Christmas or longer if everything stays successful. So continue to hope and pray for them and their little embryos! We love you N & A!

When I read it, I know she had nothing but good intentions to gather more support for us.  But damn, this crap is hard enough without putting this detail out for everyone to read.  I would have NEVER chose to give them that much detail about the embies - she basically copied my text about the embryos.  Most of these people probably have NEVER heard the word "embryo" before, that do not have a clue about IVF, or the process.  I'm sure some of them think we'll have triplets because we transferred 3. 

Anyways, I have been contemplating - do I respond?  to just her?  to everyone?  Let it go?  I've been trying not to think about it because right now is not the time I need worry.  I mean, it is what it is.  It's done.  But I feel like she stepped over the line. 

***

Today is 5dp5dt.  I have been really tired the past few days and just lounged around.  I had twinges off and on yesterday...hoping that means at least one of these embabies is sticking around! 

ET - 5dt

A few days late but I'm trying to capture the moments...

My ET was on Tuesday, Dec 13th.  Anxiety ruled the morning since we hadn't had any updates on our 7 embies since Friday.  I was trying so hard to go with the rule, that no news is good news!  But had a hard time convincing my mind to shut down.

When the RE came in to discuss "the plan", he gave us the long-awaited update.  4 embies didn't make it to day 5.  :(  The 3 growing were: 2 blasts - rated as "great" and "good" and 1 morula (a day behind in development).  I didn't ask for more specifics because I was thrilled that we had made it this far.  My hopes and prayers had been for at least 1 blast to transfer and not only did we have 1 but TWO BLASTS!!!!!  He asked us how many we'd like to transfer.  We asked his thoughts.  He explained that while the morula is a day behind, he's seen morulas become healthy babies.  And he went on to say while there would be a slight chance (<5%) of triplets, he thought we would "cross that bridge" if we came to it.  He recommended to transfer all 3.  We wholeheartedly agreed and transferred the 3 little ones!

My beta is next Thursday, Dec 22nd.  Lots of time to dream, hope and pray!  Snuggle in tight embabies!

CD 20 update

So I've been a slacker posting the details this time around.  Here is a summary thus far:

IVF #3 ~ Nov/Dec 2011 - EPP; acupunture, chinese herbs, DHEA, royal jelly, baby aspirin
10/25/11 ~ CD 3 FSH = 13.4, E2 = 37.9
11/3/11 ~ started Lupron
11/20/11 ~ CD 1
11/22/11 ~ CD 3 FSH = 2.9, E2 = 66
11/22/11 ~ start stims: 300iu gonal f/follistim; 300iu menopur; dexamethasone
12/1/11 ~ start ganirelex e
12/6/11 ~ after 14 days of stims, E2 = 2801; HCG trigger!
12/8/11 ~ ER = 9 eggs!
12/9/11 ~ OMG ~ 7 embryos!
12/13/11 ~ ET 5dt

We are SOOOOOOOOOO relieved that we have embryos growing right now!!!  And we're SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED that we have 7!  Yes, SEVEN; S-E-V-E-N!  I need to pinch myself every few minutes.  Is this really happening to us?! 

Please, PLEASE, PLLLEEEAAASSSEEE God, let 1 of those lucky 7 be our baby we've longed for.

IVF #3 - officially underway!

1st lupron shot - done! This cycle has officially started!

It is a different protocol this time. The good - they hope this does the trick. The bad - lots more meds. It is the estrogen priming protocol. I started estrogen pills today, too. I take those and the lupron until AF arrives and then, the party of meds really starts!

Excited. Nervous. Hopeful!

9 months later...

Long time, no write...time flies when you're trying to forget about TTC!

First things first! My beautiful niece (aka Baby C) was born on September 13, 2011. Baby C is adorable and as a friend put it, scrumptious! She is a snuggler, and by all means, this auntie loves to snuggle her! :)

Our little puppy, Rosco, is now 10 months old! He is so full of energy that it's hard to keep up sometimes! Rosco loves to snuggle too and gives too many kisses to count! The sweetest story as of late - I showed him a picture of Baby C on my phone the other day - and he gave her kisses! Love that little guy and oh how he has helped make this year a joy, to say the least!

We've found ourselves more grounded this year than most. It's been kinda funny, who would have thought a puppy would change our pick-up and go, traveling style. Well, he has. For the most part, we hang out at home or visit family where he tags along!

Fun things so far this year...
*DH and I returned to the Dominican Republic in May for 2 glorious weeks of R & R!
*Kenny Chesney in concert!
*Jane's Addiction in concert - twice!

And...embarking on IVF #3 in a few weeks! Eeekkkkkk!

The day arrived.

Last Saturday, my parents made a 3hr trip each way to tell us face-to-face that my youngest sister who is 9 years younger than me is, yep, you guessed it, pregnant. Now, while I would have loved to hold it together, I didn't. And I still can't. Tears fill my eyes as I type this.

I managed to pull it together and apologize profusely and tried to explain.my tears were.happy ears for them and painful tears for us. I even pulled it together enough to go out to dinner. I felt horrible after they left. Although they say they understand, I know they don't really. I know they hurt to see me/us in pain and grief but I want them to be happy. I want to be happy. I am happy for my sis and BIL but hurt so much because of our situation.

In other news, AF arrived this morning (2 days late, which I must admit, secret hope and dreams of going through pregnancy with my sis ensued) and the BRIGHTEST moment of the year so far, we are a few hours away from meeting our new little puppy! We have been patiently waiting for about a year as we researched and prepared. Excited to meet him and hoping he brings joy and much distraction to our lives!

Bring on 2011

To re-cap...we talked to our RE on Wed morning (12/22) when he called to let us know the results of the last egg.  I have been doing lots of reading the past few months on egg and sperm quality.  Tests for sperm are better as they rate sperm by morphology and motility but still there is not full proof way....well, same for eggs.  They rate them by appearance (or as our RE said, "it's a beauty contest") and I obviously didn't win.  Of the 4 eggs - 3 were mature - 2 were rated "poor" and 1 "fair".  He said but even with those ratings, it doesn't mean that they won't fertilize.  He said there is just no way to tell.  Also, he assured us that this doesn't mean that IVF won't work.  He said we should cycle again and they will increase my meds and see what happens.  He thinks we should treat this as a fluke and move forward.  Ugh - easier said than done, right?

Anyway, he was nothing but kind and patient with our questions and thoughts.  I guess, I feel like the bottom line is we have crappy eggs and crappy sperm.  I will be digging deep this next month to continue to find motivation and desire to keep pushing through.  Last week was rough.  This week was better.  In my mind, I know it will be easier with time.  But my heart still hurts and the wound is still fresh.

As a good friend said today, "New Year - New Hope and Possibilities" ~ oh, how right she is.  Although not all of 2010 was terrible, I am ready for a fresh start, for sure.  Bring on 2011 ~ Happy New Year!